It started with a decision… we all have these in life.

A decision whether to accept this job or wait for the one you really want?

A decision whether to spend money on this vacation or save? 

A decision whether to start attending a new bible study group or stay comfortable with the one you have been attending for years?

Decisions are a part of life. A piece of life that does not go away. And I will be honest, decisions are VERY hard for me. All of my friends know this. Should I order this meal or that one? Do I travel this weekend or spend a nice weekend at home? Do I attend this church or another one? And guys – I KNOW this about myself. I know I make the waiter answer too many questions and my friends wait for my last minute plans. I know people find this very annoying. But I also know where this comes from.. the fear of missing out on the BEST option. I want the BEST weekend & the BEST dish & the BEST way to please all of the people around me. And sometimes, all of that leaves me really excited about my final decision or it leaves me exhausted and dissapointed.

Currently I am facing a big decision in my life: the decision to move. And like all other decisions, I want the BEST yes. I have been praying for this opportunity for a LONG time,  sometimes with cries of anger at the Lord, and suddenly, He answered. He opened the door wide giving me the opportunity to move and keep a job I love.

IDEAL SITUATION, RIGHT?

 Isn’t it CRAZY how quickly doubt can creep in as soon as God gives blessings to His children. The devil is so cunning. He knows our exact weaknesses and he was playing on mine.  The enormous weight of wanting to move weeks before suddenly become a weight of fear and the idea to stay in a comfortable place I loved was rooted, leaving me in a complete state of confusion. So I did the things most people do when making decisions: consult friends, weigh the pros and cons and pray for guidance and wisdom. However, weeks later I find myself clouded by the advice, ideas and practicality that this world has to offer, while that still small voice slowly fades away.

That is a scary thought – to allow this world to overpower the voice the God. The sickening thing — I allow myself to do this all of the time. How many times have I had the nudge to speak up to my roommate to share what we are learning from God, yet I stay silent. Or ask my best friend about how she is REALLY doing, yet I talk about TV shows instead. Or to forgive a person and I ignore it. This list could go on and on… And what keeps us from doing these things? Pride, fear, anger and more. But this time, I was tired of those things ruling me. I was sick of being the person who always complicates and stews and then ignores decisions until the day I finally have to make one. I wanted God’s wisdom and his thoughts on it, which led me to this verse —

LORD, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me. Let your unfailing love and truth always protect me. {Psalms 40:11}

May His TRUTH protect me. The Truth that tells me “He has a plan and future for me” and  “He will never leave me or forsake me”. Truth that says if you obey God’s commands, they will not be burdensome, you will be blessed, and His love will be perfected in you. Truth that has never (not once!) failed me. This verse stuck out because it is evident David knew what it meant to be confused by the world. Why else would he have started by asking for mercy? David knew we would all screw up and get lost. Because of that, David begged God for mercy so that in those times, God’s love and truth would speak louder.

I know a lot of people are dealing with next steps. Do I move? What is after college – job, graduate school, missions? What is the next step in my relationship? And with these decisions, I find myself at a loss for what to pray. But God showed me it is okay… I could pray Psalm 40:11 “have mercy on me and protect me with your truth” and that would be enough. I could keep praying that day after day until I felt it deep within my heart. I know it seems too simple, but it’s exactly what we want – the simple, unclouded Truth.

So this is my prayer. That God’s truth would speak loud in every area of my life. That I would diminish every fear in my heart by seeking answers in The Bible. That I would listen – and OBEY – the still small voice nudging me this entire time.  And then once I have made  my decision, God would give me joy and peace for the days to come.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

xx

Han